Bulletproof Marriage--English by Renato & Cristiane Cardoso

Bulletproof Marriage--English by Renato & Cristiane Cardoso

Author:Renato & Cristiane Cardoso
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Grupo Nelson
Published: 2014-11-01T00:00:00+00:00


Cristiane:

To further complicate this situation, there are two types of hardened hearts: those who are clearly hard of heart, whose attitude is visible to all, and those who see themselves as victims. Both are hardened and very accusatory of their partners.

This is what happened with Renato and me. For the first twelve years of our marriage, I blamed him for not being the husband I needed him to be. His way of attempting to solve our problems was terrible. He would stay angry for days, and in the end I was always the one who had to apologize. I would apologize so that our marriage could move forward, but I wasn’t wholehearted about it. I continued to believe that he was the problem, so much so that I was always praying for him (feeling righteous in my own eyes). I felt like an undervalued wife, because I gave so much of myself and hardly got anything back. I even wrote a sad, depressing song for the soundtrack of our “love” story. Then came the phone call from chapter 9. After that I changed a lot. I began focusing on what I could do and discovered that I also had been hard-hearted for all those years. But mine was the victim type.

Yes, Renato should have given me the proper attention as my husband. No, he should not have punished me by not speaking to me for days after I did something he didn’t like. But what good is it to know that your spouse is failing in his responsibilities, when you are doing the same?

At first, this revelation scared me. I had always considered myself to be a great wife to Renato. I always gave him my best. How could I have been harsh and mean to him? This is where many get stuck in a vicious cycle of frustration. Love is giving. But when you get to the point that you both stop giving, and each of you is waiting to see who will give first . . . it’s over. You will continue going round and round, a real 360° “change”! You will change for a couple of months, but then you go right back to where you started from.

My hard-heartedness insisted that Renato change. I constantly demanded things of him. Whenever I did something for him, I’d sit back and watch for what he was going to do for me. And if I didn’t get anything in return, I would go right back to my demanding ways. And you know, there are various ways of being demanding. You can complain, make an ugly face, make a few indirect comments, use emotional blackmail, make comparisons, and so on, and so on. All these attitudes come from the victim type of hard-heartedness.

I believe this is the worst type, because these people cannot see what they’re doing. We think we’re right. We raise the “how long do I have to be the only one giving?” flag—but what are we accomplishing when



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